I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
