I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
