i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
We need to get me chipped asap
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
