I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
