i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
