My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
