I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I intend to get homeless drunk
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
