I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
