it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
