Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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