I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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