Porn is love you can see.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
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