the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
