thus making me awesome and them whores
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
