that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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