My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He kissed a someone with a penis
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
