I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
