I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I can text with my tongue
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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