I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
