I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
