How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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