I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
