mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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