did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
