So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
