I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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