If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
