dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
