I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
