i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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