Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She even gives head with a lisp.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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