my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
