I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
a search helicopter?!
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
