she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
