He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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