i think i have two assholes
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
