I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
