she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
