someone threw a dead crab at me
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We left the knife in your bed.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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