where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
