the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
