I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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