U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
