do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
