just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
