so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
