So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
