carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
