I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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