I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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