What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
