Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
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I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
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i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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