The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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