U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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