Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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