I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
