turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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