I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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