i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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