After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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