My underwear smells like fireworks.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
