Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
