This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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