very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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