He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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