How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
