so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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