Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
